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Tom Brady To Play Entire 2013 NFL Season Blindfolded
Brady also toyed with the idea of playing from a sitting position BOSTON—New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who recently made headlines by signing a contract worth substantially less than his...
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Entire NFL Comes Out as Gay
Not as surprising as you might think New York City—National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that every member of the league is officially declaring his homosexuality. The...
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Tim Tebow Second Guessing Decision to Turn His Life Over to Satan
Tebow: “This is Satan’s idea of a fucking workout!” GAINESVILLE, FL—As former New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow looks for his next contract with an NFL team needing a terrible backup quarterback, he...
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Dallas Cowboys Turn Play-calling Duties Over to Fans
Officials hope the move makes scenes like this a thing of the past. ARLINGTON, TX—The NFL’s Dallas Cowboys announced today that head coach Jason Garrett would no longer be calling the team’s offensive...
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Tim Tebow’s First Pass as a New England Patriot Kills Four
Tebow Exhibits His New Throwing Motion BOSTON—New England Patriots players and coaches, along with curious fans and media personnel, were horrified today when celebrated free-agent quarterback Tim...
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Tony Romo Threatens to Skip Dallas Cowboys Training Camp Unless Team Signs...
“Not it!” said Romo, as players voted for captains OXNARD, CA–When the Dallas Cowboys began their pre-season training camp this week, a key player was noticeably absent. Quarterback Tony Romo...
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G.M. Jerry Jones Named Dallas Cowboys Employee of the Month 288th Consecutive...
The Cowboys owner led the applause as G.M. Jones was announced as Employee of the Month ARLINGTON, TX–In a quiet ceremony attended by the entire Dallas Cowboys organization, team General Manager Jerry...
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Dallas Cowboys Coaches on Edge After Owner Jerry Jones Develops Ability to...
I’m crushing your head! ARLINGTON, TX–Sources described the mood around Dallas Cowboys headquarters this week as “nerve-wracking” following another crushing defeat, this time at the hands of the...
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This Day in History: 93 Years Ago Steamroll Jenkins, The NFL’s First Black...
Jenkins wasn’t allowed headgear, and opposing teams were allowed to fire shotguns at him November 12, 1920–When the Chicago Bears ran on to their home field on that windy day 93 years ago, few had any...
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This Day in History: Ten Years Ago Tony Romo Won His Fourth Straight Heisman...
The ceremony wasn’t exactly black tie December 9, 2003–In a quiet ceremony with his parents, Joan and Ramiro, and his sisters Jossalyn and Danielle, Eastern Illinois senior quarterback Tony Romo was...
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Cop Who Shoots First, Asks Questions Later Gets Few Answers
BANG!BANG!BANG!…Now, I have a question SAN DIEGO–Officer Tom Sanders has seen a lot of changes in his 32 years with the San Diego Police Department. These days, instead of writing tickets, he has a...
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Cop Who Shoots First, Asks Questions Later Gets Few Answers
BANG!BANG!BANG!…Now, I have a question SAN DIEGO–Officer Tom Sanders has seen a lot of changes in his 32 years with the San Diego Police Department. These days, instead of writing tickets, he has a...
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Super Model Marisa Miller Reveals Her Marriage is Result of Lost Super Bowl Bet
This is what can happen if you bet on the Seattle Seahawks HOLLYWOOD–Supermodel Marisa Miller knew, from the moment she first laid eyes on music producer Griffin Guess, that one day he would be her...
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Johnny Manziel Flees to Canada to Avoid NFL Draft
He ran the last hundred yards TORONTO, ONTARIO–Former Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel arrived here this morning, reportedly seeking amnesty to avoid being drafted into the National Football...
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QB Vince Young Signs Two Year Contract With AT&T Wireless
He turned down a similar offer from Sprint HOUSTON–Vince Young, the quarterback who led the Texas Longhorns to a BCS Championship and narrowly missed winning a Heisman Trophy, announced today that he...
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Frightened NFL Teams File Restraining Order Against Johnny Manziel Following...
Maybe it’s the prison tats NEW YORK CITY–As Johnny Manziel waited to be drafted during the first round of the 2014 NFL Draft, Cleveland Browns General Manager Ray Farmer watched the Heisman...
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NFL Commissioner Goodell Institutes Zero-Tolerance Policy for Crimes...
Pretend boob grabbing is also off limits NEW YORK CITY–National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell sent a strong message today to coaches and players across the league when he announced the...
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ESPN Reports Dropped Soap Down 70% in St. Louis Rams Showers
ST. LOUIS, Missouri–ESPN NFL Insider John Clayton reported today that the St. Louis Rams have shown dramatic improvement this off-season in their ability to hold on to the soap in post-practice...
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NFL To Provide Training on Proper Way to Discipline Females
Goodell and a well-behaved woman NEW YORK CITY–Embattled NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is taking steps to prove the league is serious about its stance regarding physical violence against women. The...
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NFL to Fund Study on Effects of Concussions on Players’ Spouses
Spending less time online and more time cleaning has proven to be effective at reducing the risk of concussions NEW YORK CITY–In light of recent reports on the growing problem of concussions among NFL...
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